


holy hands, they make me a sinner

by doespenguinsisgay



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College Hockey, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, M/M, Secret Relationship, sean is a terrier, slutty extrovert!johnny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 14:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18263606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doespenguinsisgay/pseuds/doespenguinsisgay
Summary: He just had potentially one of the best hookups of his life with a guy that goes to fucking BU, he’s pretty sure that counts as way more than just fraternizing with the enemy.(or, the au where sean goes to BU and johnny goes to BC. they tend to get along despite their rivalry)





	holy hands, they make me a sinner

**Author's Note:**

> psa if u or someone u know is mentioned above, kindly just click away now, it’s better for everyone involved!!
> 
> hahah hey guys im finally back! ive been rlly dropping the ball on posting, ive just been so busy i havent had much time to actually write :( but im back! with a 9k fic! so i hope this will suffice
> 
> johnny is a whole slut in this and i love him for it so uh its not very accurate characterization bc as we know hes apparently pretty shy but fuck that this is fiction and an au i do what i want. i had gotten an ask about this au MONTHS ago and i am so so weak for rivalries, that i just had to write it.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this, thanks for reading!!! (also shout out to perri for whom i would not have gotten this done w/o her lovely cheerleading and support)
> 
> title from like a river - bishop briggs

Johnny’s a bit of a party fiend, but, to be fair, his friends fully enable it. He’s an extrovert through and through and the fact that the hockey team spans multiple social groups on and off-campus just further helps him into various frat houses each weekend. He gets to go out, get drunk, dance, and hook up, and still be ready for Sunday practice the next morning, bless his high hangover tolerance.

 

Tonight, he isn’t really sure that he could tell you what campus he’s on. Maybe Harvard Business, if he were to take a wild guess, a bunch of finance majors wound too tight would be the most likely to throw a banger like this right in the grind of the academic season, as surprising as it might be. Regardless, he’s packed into a house party far too small to be hosting this type of gathering, whatever is in his cup tasting suspiciously like battery acid and pomegranates. Still, it’s getting the job done, so he drains the plastic cup and elbows Kevin.

 

“Hey, asshole. I’m getting another drink, want me to top you off?” He calls over the thumping bass, and his voice sounds like he’s yelling, in his tone, but like someone had cranked the volume down on his vocal chords. Nonetheless, it grabs Kevin’s attention away from his conversation with Quinny that looks way too serious to be having next to a couple dry humping on the wall behind the couch they’re packed onto.

 

“No thanks, ugly. Hurry back!” He answers, blowing Johnny a kiss and turns back to where Mac is now trying to outline something with sloppy hand gestures. Johnny rolls his eyes and pushes off of the couch, stumbling the first couple of steps before regaining his balance. He pretends not to hear Quinny’s dumb hyena laugh in his direction as he squeezes through the sea of drunk, sweaty bodies towards the kitchen.

 

The kitchen is like a rush of cool air, a welcomed break from the thick humidity and influx of raging hormones in the atmosphere of the main living area, practically deserted compared to the mob of people shoved into the rest of the house. Still, several pairs of people line the counter, having individual conversations that Johnny catches snippets of. He beelines for the corner, refilling his cup out of a fucking Gatorade cooler serving as a keg that has definitely seen better days, several strips of what appears to be stick tape patching up an obvious hole near the bottom edge. He chats with a stocky girl in heavy eye makeup and a glittery feather boa around her shoulders as he sips at his drink.

 

She’s nice to talk to, her name is Katie, and she’s cute, but she isn’t really Johnny’s type, so when she tries to subtly suggest going back to her dorm, he makes up a transparent excuse that he sees his friend calling him over and slips out of the kitchen, to begin the trek back to the couch that the BC hockey team had laid claim to at the beginning of the night.

 

In the determination to get back to his friends, he nearly misses the guy on the wall across the room, but when his eyes catch on him, Johnny almost trips over his own feet. The guy is practically undressing him with his eyes over his beer, with the occasional nod at whatever his friend is saying to him. He’s real cute, mop of dark brown hair tucked under a baseball cap, longer pieces curling around his ears. He has dark eyes, canopied by thick eyebrows, and a strong jaw that Johnny silently wants to cut his fingers on. Johnny really wants him, more than anything, and judging by the way he’s getting eyefucked, the feeling is plenty mutual.

 

He slips back over to Kevin, leaning down to tell him the plan, hand firm on his shoulder to shake him out of his own little world. With the way Kevin is looking at him, hazily and cross-eyed like he’s seeing right through Johnny, he figures he isn’t gonna remember whatever Johnny is about to say. So, he turns to Quinny, the only relatively sober one between the four of them. Johnny’s almost gone, too, the alcohol in his veins making him feel light and pinholing his focus, barely able to think past the hot gaze on the back of his neck.

 

“Hot guy at six o’clock, I’m outta here. See you boys at practice bright and early.” He manages to inform them, wiggling his eyebrows. Kevin makes a noise of enthusiasm, slapping a hand against Johnny’s chest and looking up at him like he has some inside joke with himself that Johnny is being excluded from.

 

“We know it’s a guy because Johnny’s actually swinging this time.” He slurs, cracking himself up, nearly pulling Johnny down onto the couch with him. Which, like, it’s true that he strikes out with girls more so than guys, girls aren’t as into his twink aesthetic he’s got going on, but still, he does better with the girls than Kevin does. Whatever, he isn’t about to drunk argue with an even drunker Hayesy, so he shrugs him off. “Go get ‘em tiger.” Quinn gives him a small smile, nodding.

 

“Roger that.” He says, because Quinny’s a nerd. “Let me or Whit know if anything goes south, we’ll come grab you.” He reminds him, like he always does when any of the guys hook up. Johnny waves his hand in acknowledgment, straightening up. He bids his goodbyes and looks back over his shoulder towards his target for the evening, who has yet to take his eyes off of Johnny.

 

He looks vaguely familiar, enough so that Johnny wonders if maybe they’ve seen each other around campus, but if he’s being honest, with the way he’s looking at Johnny, he couldn’t care less if he’s seen him at some grocery store or something before. He slowly makes his way towards him, under the false guise that he recognizes someone near where he’s standing, but he eventually bites the bullet and leans against the wall next to him, shoulder pressed to the wallpaper, once his friend disappears.

 

“Hey there,” He says slowly, waiting for the guy to adjust to the fact that Johnny is here and in his space. “I’m Johnny.” He introduces himself off the bat, looking up at the guy through his eyelashes, and takes a long sip of his drink.

 

“Sean,” He returns curtly, and  _ fuck, _ if his voice doesn’t make Johnny want to drop to his knees in front of all of these people, out in the open. It’s low and moves like honey, even in the single syllable he lets loose. He wraps those pretty pink lips around the lip of his bottle, tilting his head back to drain the rest of the beer, jawline on full display. Fortunately for Johnny, he gets a good look, Sean’s neck at his eye level. His pulse quickens with the way Sean seems to lean over into his space, just a little, turning his body towards him. Johnny feels set off kilter, with all of Sean’s attention on him up close.

 

“Well, Sean, I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but I think you’re cute and I have to be up early tomorrow. We should get out of here.” Johnny purrs, or at least that’s what he sounds like in his head. The alcohol in his system is probably tying his tongue a little more than he’s perceiving it to. Still, he gets his point across, and Sean’s eyes both widen and darken, just the effect Johnny had been going for. He raises his thick eyebrows.

 

“You’re very bold.” Sean tells him, blindly setting his bottle on a cabinet behind him, not breaking his gaze. Johnny shrugs, hoping that his grin has the hint of a challenge that he’s going for. “Are you sure you’re sober enough to be making advances?” 

 

“I’m just tipsy, I can consent just fine.” Johnny promises, downing his drink and reaching past Sean to place his empty cup next to Sean’s bottle, their chests nearly touching. He doesn’t step back, doesn’t back out of his space, only tilting his head back to hold Sean’s eyes in a tight grip, bringing his arms up to cross his wrists behind his neck. Sean bites his lip, dropping his hands to Johnny’s hips, almost unconsciously. “Come on now, Sean, I saw how you were looking at me.  _ Live a little.”  _ Sean looks down at Johnny consideringly, eyes dropping to his mouth, then visibly gives.

 

“ _ Fuck, _ you’re hard to say no to. What the hell, I just met you.” Sean growls, more to himself than anything else, and pushes Johnny against the wall they’re leaning on. “You’re lucky I’m not, like, a serial killer or something.” He huffs, leaning down to press his mouth against Johnny’s, pushing his tongue past his lips. Johnny laughs into his mouth, arching against Sean’s body, kissing him in a question. He gets an answer right back.

 

They get lost in each other for only a moment, before Sean pushes away, keeping his hands high on Johnny’s hips. “My place or yours?” Johnny is pretty sure his roommate stayed in tonight, so he opts for the former. Sean nods, pulling him along the outskirts of the crowd and towards the door. Johnny happily follows, unable to keep his eyes off of the way Sean’s lips are all red and puffy, still noticeable even in the dim of the house. They trip over themselves spilling out onto the front porch. Sean turns to him as they get to the curb.

 

“I shouldn’t be driving, and neither should you. Cab?” If he’s tipsy enough that he shouldn’t be driving, he sure doesn’t sound like it. Johnny doesn’t really care, already attempting to get his mouth on Sean’s neck, moving onto his toes to kiss at the underside of his jaw. Sean just hauls him in closer, letting his eyes close momentarily.

 

The next few steps to Sean’s dorm are a bit of a blur, a haze of sloppily making out in the back of the cab, stumbling across whatever campus Sean lives on, and pushing Johnny into his dorm. Before he knows it, Sean is pressing him into his mattress and holding himself up over Johnny, arms bracketing his head as he reconnects their lips. Johnny feels like his body is on fire, sparks skipping across his skin, following Sean’s fingertips. Everything feels too hot and too fast and too heavy, but fuck, Johnny is drunk and horny and Sean is hot, so morals aren’t really his priority right now.

 

His shirt is thrown haphazardly to the floor, hands pulling greedily at the hem of Sean’s own tee, as if to say  _ off _ without breaking the kiss. When Sean drops his shirt unceremoniously off of the side of the bed, Johnny is achingly aware of how hard he is. He runs his hands over the miles of pale skin stretched over the thick muscles in Sean’s arms, in his chest. He is fucking  _ built, _ and Johnny wants to sink his teeth into him. Johnny rips his dumb hat off of his head and yanks at his hair, dragging his head down closer, closer, to shove his tongue farther down Sean’s throat. Sean groans whenever his hair gets tugged a little too hard, which gets catalogued in the depths of Johnny’s brain.

 

Johnny might cry if he doesn’t get his mouth on Sean’s dick, like,  _ asap _ , so he grabs for his belt buckle and undoes the clasp with shaky, drunk fingers. Sean helps him out, shimmying out of his jeans in record breaking time. Johnny rewards him with a hand down the front of his boxers.

 

Sean makes the most beautiful noise he’s ever heard when Johnny finally gets his lips around the head of his cock, taking a deep breath in through his nose and pushing Sean down as far as he can go, flattening his tongue out and digging his nails into Sean’s strong thighs. Fucking beauty, not having a gag reflex. Johnny can’t think of anything past  _ pull my hair _ and  _ fuck yeah _ each time Sean bucks his hips, getting a huge hand on the back of Johnny’s head, taking back control and quickening the pace. Johnny lets his head be dragged up and down, working his tongue and his throat until they’re relaxed and making it as good as he can on his end.

 

Johnny thinks Sean might be close, when his thrusts get more sporadic, less rhythmic, so he hums around his dick and gets ready to swallow, because he’s no quitter. However, right as he braces himself for it, Sean pulls him off completely. Spit is dripping down Johnny’s chin and he wipes his face with the back of his hand, unable to keep the smirk from curling onto his face. Sean looks so fucking intense and super fucking hot, chest and neck flushed red, sweat beading his hairline, eyes burning. Johnny wants to get  _ destroyed  _ by this guy.

 

“Don’t wanna come yet. ‘m gonna fuck you.” Sean says bluntly, pulling Johnny up so that he can kiss the taste of himself off of his tongue, and flips them over so that they’re back in the position they’d started in. Johnny loses his pants and boxers in a heartbeat, moaning helplessly when Sean gets a hand around him, growling out a, “ _ fuck, _ you like that, baby?” low in his ear. Johnny just whimpers.

 

Sean reaches under the pillow behind Johnny’s head, producing a strip of condoms and a travel bottle of lube, and Johnny laughs into his neck.

 

“The prepared type, aren’t you?” Sean just shrugs and rips a condom open with his teeth and okay,  _ fuck, _ that’s hot. Johnny hums and watches as he slicks his fingers with a generous amount of lube and reaches down, arm long enough to press a finger, then two, into Johnny while he kisses him through it, swallowing the breathy sounds Johnny is making as Sean works him open.

 

After three fingers and an excessive amount of prep that has Johnny squirming against the thin cotton sheets, Sean finally begins to roll the condom on and cover himself in lube, lining up with Johnny’s hole and looking up for a last minute confirmation. Johnny bites his lip, can feel his entrance fluttering as Sean brushes against it. He nods and grips his shoulders as Sean pushes in.

 

Which, like, okay. Sean is  _ hung _ , it’s pretty obvious when Johnny had his dick down his throat only moments ago, but now he’s so, so much more aware as he takes every inch of him, breathing heavily until he’s full and breathy and desperate. Sean is being so, so careful and  _ fuck _ can he just-

 

“Fucking-  _ move, _ please, anything.” Johnny almost yells, and move, Sean does. He keeps up the same quick pace that they had established earlier, thrusting into Johnny, holding himself above him and keeping them chest to chest. Sean looks so focused and intense and he’s so  _ big _ and it’s all Johnny can do but to get a hand around himself and jerk himself in time to Sean’s thrusts.

 

“Yeah, Johnny, take it so good, that’s it.” Sean is panting, like a hymn, words almost rhythmic, deep and low, and it’s music to Johnny’s ears. He closes his fist over Johnny’s own and it’s all so much, blood pounding in his ears as Johnny comes all over the both of their fists and stomachs, Sean’s name hot on his tongue. Sean isn’t far behind.

 

Johnny sees stars, as Sean fucks him through his orgasm, holding his biceps tight enough to bruise when he comes down from the high, oversensitive and still so  _ full. _ Sean freezes, the only sounds of the dorm are that of their heaving chests and the way they attempt to whisper through catching their breath.

 

Johnny is already falling asleep as Sean slides out of him and disappears, predictably to ditch the condom and get some Wet Naps or something. He ignores the way his fingers twitch at the loss of contact, wanting to reach out and catch Sean by the wrist, haul him back to bed. He drifts off as just as Sean tosses a blanket over him and climbs in next to him.

  
  
  


Johnny wakes up with a mouthful of long, brown hair, and a heavy weight pressing him into the bed. His head is pounding and his eyes are begging him not to be opened, harsh lighting streaming in through the curtainless window setting his temples on fire. He feels like all of his senses have been momentarily shut down, like he’s breathing under water. Still, Sean is warm on top of him and he doesn’t want to climb out from under the covers into the chill of the room.

 

He lets his head roll to the side, squinting at the blinking red numbers on the alarm clock next to the bed. He needs to get up, like, now if he wants to have time to grab coffee and change before practice, so Johnny takes a deep breath and pushes Sean onto his side, successful in doing so without waking him. He steps into his jeans and pulls on his shirt, his legs wobbly as he moves around the dorm. He’s so sore and so headachey he considers skipping practice on something of a sick day, but the boys all know that he hooked up last night, so that wouldn’t look too great.

 

Glancing over his shoulder back at Sean, he bites his lip. Sean had been,  _ shit, _ he’d been good. His dick is, like, magic or something, so Johnny takes a second to scribble his number onto the back of a receipt he finds on Sean’s desk and tucks it next to his face, in the crook of his arm. He makes sure to add a little note about enjoying last night and takes off, stepping quietly as he moves down the hallway so as to not disturb any of the other students. Johnny had to learn his lesson the hard way about waking hungover college students early on a Sunday morning.

 

The air is nippy outside and Johnny wishes he’d have worn a jacket last night, but he braves the chill as he types  _ Boston College _ into his Google Maps and waits as his phone buffers, searching for his location. When it loads, his stomach drops.

 

There it is, the small, blue pin tagging his location, smack dab in the middle of _Core Housing - Boston University,_ his flag almost covered by the brown marker like it’s mocking him, dread settling heavy like steel in his gut. He just had potentially one of the best hookups of his _life_ with a guy that goes to fucking _BU,_ and he’s pretty sure that counts as way more than just fraternizing with the enemy.

 

Johnny’s feet feel stuck to the cement path, until a honk from the neighboring traffic only a hundred feet in front of him snaps him out of it, making him glance down at the time and kick his ass into gear, urging him to hustle towards the nearest bus stop. He can worry about this later, for now he has practice to get to.

  
  
  


York skates them until their legs feel like jelly, effectively working out the aches in Johnny’s back and hips, grinding them until he’s sweating the alcohol out of his system from the night before, stinging and salty against his skin. It’s the kind of practice that traps even Johnny’s focus, dragging his head down and clearing his mind, stilling the racing thoughts pushing through his skull.

 

He forgets all about Sean and his huge dick and his ridiculously sexy voice for the two hours that they’re at the arena, falling into the easy routine of rinkside chirps and whipping his balled up socks at Danny when he starts to get cocky, as they pull on their street clothes afterwards. Thankfully, the boys don’t comment on the bruises on Johnny’s hips. He leaves practice sobered up and clear headed, but his muscles are screaming at him for a proper shower and maybe a nap.

 

Johnny collapses into bed when he gets back to his dorm, the room all to himself because Destry has, like, barista-y things to do after early Sunday practices. He scrolls through the things on his phone that he’s missed in the past twelve hours, a handful of Snaps and a bunch of drunk texts that Kevin left on his phone, apparently from the booth of a McDonald’s while Quinn bought him a milkshake. Quinn’s a bro like that, accepting the role of designated driver like a champ.

 

Suspiciously enough, an unknown number had sent him a text about thirty minutes ago, all perfect punctuation and capitalization.

 

_ [Unknown]: Hey, is this Johnny? It’s Sean from last night. _

_ [Unknown]: If not, I’m really sorry. Johnny’s handwriting is awful. _

 

Johnny bites his lip and stares at the screen, contemplating his next move. Sean was, without a doubt, the best lay Johnny has ever gotten with. And he’s smoking hot, so he could really easily let himself get caught up in this. However, Sean goes to BU, and Johnny has morals. Well, he supposes it isn’t all bad, as long as Sean doesn’t follow college hockey.

 

_ johnny: hey yea its johnny. sorry to bail, i had early practice. _

_ johnny: also lay off my handwriting >:( _

 

Sean doesn’t text back for a while, so Johnny occupies himself with screenshotting Kevin’s texts and sending them to the team group chat, where the informal roast of Kevin Hayes has broken out, because unlike Johnny, he’s a coward and skipped on practice for a “personal emergency”. Before he knows it, Sean is texting back.

 

_ sean: That’s okay, I’m no fun in the morning. I had a really great time last night. _

 

Johnny sighs, because really, so did he, but Sean is making it sound like they went out to the fucking movies and kissed in front of Johnny’s dorm, like they didn’t meet by staring each other down in the middle of a frat party and left together about ten minutes after their first  _ ‘hello’ _ s. Another text comes through.

 

_ sean: Do you wanna hang out sometime? _

 

It’s all Johnny can do but cave, running a hand through his hair, a little helpless. He knows this shouldn’t become a habit, but it’d be nice get to know Sean. He’d be an easy hook up and, in a thought that, for now, stays confined to the hidden corners of his brain, he could start to really like Sean. 

 

_ johnny: fuck yea, you free on thursday? _

 

So maybe it’s even easier to get caught up in this whole thing than Johnny had thought.

  
  
  


Johnny meets Sean at a cute little coffee shop after his Stats class, and it feels like the perfect juxtaposition to the last time they saw each other, hot and heavy with dimmed lights and tangy drinks and pounding music. Now, it’s slow wifi and a soft jazz radio station playing overhead and the same dumb snapback Sean had been wearing last Saturday. Sean is still just as attractive to sober Johnny as he had been to drunk Johnny, same sharp jaw and crooked smile and dark eyes. It’s all so bizarre.

 

They talk for what feels like hours over mediocre coffee in paper cups, their feet tangled together under the table, and this feels a whole lot more like a date than Johnny had been originally expecting. It feels more significant, somehow, than the casual friends with benefits situation he was preparing himself to walk into. Johnny isn’t sure that he minds.

 

Everything is going swimmingly, the conversation is easy and flows well. Sean is one of the most vanilla people he has ever met but also, has these little quirks that make Johnny want to explore everything about him. Johnny almost forgets about BU entirely until-

 

“You keep mentioning practice and your team. What sport do you play?” Sean asks, inadvertently cornering him in the conversation, no means for Johnny to escape. Blunt and unavoidable.

 

“Oh, uh- I play hockey.” Johnny crosses his fingers under the table, begging whatever might be up there to  _ please _ let Sean be completely and utterly disinterested in hockey or sports in general, but God has a way of mocking him in these kind of situations.

 

“Really? Me too, I play for BU. Where do you go?Maybe we’ve played against each other.” Sean comments innocently, looking at him expectantly as Johnny’s world comes crashing down around him. He  _ thought _ Sean had looked familiar, he’s played against him. Monahan, he thinks distantly. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

 

“Boston College.” Johnny says quietly, staring off over Sean’s shoulder, at the ugly patterns papering the walls. Sean raises his eyebrows over his drink, dropping it from his lips. The gears appear to be working overtime in Sean’s head and suddenly the lightbulb goes on, when everything clicks.

 

“Johnny Gaudreau. You- shit, I should’ve recognized you! You’re Johnny Hockey.” Sean teases, and Johnny winces at the nickname. He can’t believe the grin Sean has on his face, like this realization isn’t ruining the last week of his life.

 

“Dude, we- we’re supposed to be  _ rivals _ and I let you take me home during a party and- how are you not bothered by this?” Johnny baulks, eyes wide and bugging out of his head as Sean calmly picks at the sleeve on his coffee cup. He shrugs, looking up at Johnny with that stupidly intense look that proves to be his resting face.

 

“So? It’s a hockey rivalry. Sure, the teams might be weird about it, but I’m not. Does it bother you, being friends with me, now that you know that?” Johnny thinks long and hard on it, for a few moments, before he ultimately decides that, no, Sean is too hot and too nice for him to be bothered by his awful taste in colleges. He shakes his head.

 

“I guess not.” Johnny says finally, and Sean smiles, a sweet thing that Johnny feels oddly lucky to be the one it’s shared with. He wants to tuck the moment into a breast pocket, to keep it close to his heart.

  
  
  


So, they fall into their own little pattern of hooking up and going on what feel like platonic dates and they hold a silent agreement to keep it a secret from the teams. It doesn’t bother Johnny, for the most part, especially when he’s rewarded with a visit to Sean’s dorm and spends the better part of the afternoon in his lap, twirling his fingers in the hair tucked behind Sean’s ears. Never would he have expected to spend this much time on a BU campus.

 

He isn’t sure when he starts falling for Sean, if it’s even a single moment or if it’s the slow build up until the feeling is so strong that it feels like his chest is going to burst. It’s a sunny afternoon in January, after the sun has been hidden away behind winter clouds for so long, when Johnny is hit with the realization, knocked completely off balance when everything becomes clear. He’s at Sean’s dorm, sitting against the wall next to the bed, Sean’s head in his lap. He brushes the stray pieces away, Sean’s eyes closed. Johnny looks down at him at one point and finds himself unable to look away, heart beating heavily in his chest.

 

Even the guys have picked up on something, that Johnny is happier than usual, and that he’s never to be found loitering around campus like he used to be. He just brushes off the chirps during practice and rolls his eyes, passing it off as getting serious about his classes, or something. Even Kevin, who is notoriously awkward when it comes to emotions, comments on it over lunch one day after class.

 

“Hey man, you’re being weird about whoever the fuck you’re seeing, but I just wanna let you know. We can all see how happy you’ve been lately. I’m glad you found yourself someone.” He forces out, shoving a few fries into his mouth as soon as the words are into the air between them, and Johnny just smiles. His phone buzzes, and it’s Sean chirping him about his taste in TV shows, and he can’t help but smile harder and nod, shoving it back into the pocket of his hoodie.

 

“Thanks, Kev, ‘preciate it.”  He tells him honestly, grinning around a bite of his salad. Kevin clears his throat and launches into an in-depth analysis on the Bruins’ play at this point in the season.

 

Hooking up gets a little grating now, however, with this newly discovered emotion. It feels  _ so much _ like he’s dating Sean, but they aren’t official and Johnny can’t take the chance with having the  _ what are we _ talk, in case he loses what they have. He refuses to mess this thing with Sean- whatever it is- up.

 

It’s a nice thought, though, to imagine that when Sean kisses him, he feels that same spark, the same tightening of his chest because he just likes Johnny that much. Or being able to reach across the table when him and Sean are getting food to hold his hand, or to kiss him for the sole purpose of just that: a kiss, one that doesn’t necessarily have to lead to something more. Johnny just doesn’t know how to  _ tell. _

 

Johnny keeps up with Sean’s hockey, under the guise of studying the enemy, making sure to catch the games when they’re broadcasted or streamed. Sean plays beautiful, clean hockey.

 

The guys get together and watch BU’s game against Arizona State, because it’s a Wednesday and they have nothing better to do, but are looking for an excuse to hang out and drink, so they’re all piled into Patty’s apartment when Sean gets laid out in the neutral zone, and Johnny’s pulse spikes. He’s slow to get up, and  _ fuck _ , if he isn’t going into panic mode. He’s crushed between Quinny and Whit, trying to keep his breathing in check as the conversation veers into discussing whether or not it had been a legal hit. Johnny doesn’t care, he just wants to fucking level the cheap asshole who had delivered the hit.

 

“Ham and Cheese, you good?” Mac calls, gently punching his calf to get his attention. Johnny blinks and shakes the cobwebs out of his ears, snapping himself out of it. He glances back up at the screen, where Sean is up and lumbering down the hallway. Johnny’s stomach drops.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Long day.” He lies, mustering up a convincing half smile. Mac seems satisfied with that answer, and turns back around, taking another sip of his beer.

 

The moment the game ends, Johnny is up and making up some bullshit excuse as to why he has to leave early, wanting to get an early workout in before he has class, and tells Destry that he’s gonna swing by the CVS before going back to the dorm, not to wait up for him. Before he can really justify it, he’s calling an Uber and giving the driver BU’s campus address.

 

He ends up outside of Sean’s building with little explanation, staring up at the window that he knows is his and watches as the light turns on. He tries to think of some reason as to why he’s here, but he can’t get his thoughts in order as he heads straight through the doors and up to the third floor, his whole body screaming at him to get to Sean, to make sure that he’s okay.

 

Sean opens the door slowly, hair still dripping from the shower, looking pretty much intact. Johnny pushes his way into the dorm, making eye contact with a guy with curly hair and a BC lacrosse hoodie sitting cross-legged on the bed that’s usually empty when Johnny comes over.

 

“Chucky, get lost.” Sean says simply, eyes fleeting between Johnny and his roommate, voice even and face calm, unchanging. ‘Chucky’ huffs a sigh and grabs his phone, slipping on a pair of gaudy red Crocs and sliding off of his bed.

 

“I’ll be at Noah’s.” He announces, in lieu of a farewell and closes the door behind him. Johnny thinks he recognizes the name  _ Hanifin _ that is printed across his back as the door shuts. Sean crowds into his space, tilting Johnny’s head up with a hand under his chin. He connects their lips briefly, before pulling away.

 

“Not that I’m complaining, but what’re you doing here so late?” Sean asks gently, his voice lowered and so soft that Johnny almost loses his train of thought, has to hold onto Sean’s hand to ground himself. “You have class tomorrow.”

 

“I watched your game. Monny, that was a bad hit. You barely played the rest of the game, are you okay?” Johnny asks earnestly, examining him with narrowed eyes, like an injury would just present itself to him. Sean looks taken aback, gaping a little. It takes him a moment to answer, the gears visibly turning in his head.

 

“What? Johnny, I’m fine, you- did you come from BC to come check on me? You know phones exist, right?” Sean questions, bewildered, searching his face for- for  _ something. _ “You’re such an idiot.” He tells him through a laugh, disbelief heavy in his tone, before he kisses Johnny. They get wrapped up in each other, hands wandering under clothes and raking through hair and holding the other close.

 

Johnny can feel Sean getting hard against his hip, kisses getting sloppier and more frantic, fingers fisting in his hair. He pushes against Sean’s chest until he backs up, the backs of his knees bumping against the bed. Johnny ends up on top of him, settled between his legs. He presses his hips down, achieving the friction they’re both craving for a brief moment. Sean moans into his mouth, hooking a leg over Johnny’s waist. Their clothes hit the floor with a flat thump of a noise, before Sean is rolling them over and pulling away. Johnny stares hazily up at him.

 

“Shit, I want you to fuck me.” Johnny’s pupils are blown wide and his lips feel raw and puffy.

  
“Yeah, yeah okay,” Johnny scrambles to sit up, but Sean straddles him and kisses him to keep him in place. Sean reaches for the lube, and Johnny chuckles, a challenging smirk dripping from his face. “What, you gonna ride me, cowboy? Not before you let me fuck you with my fingers, I hope.”   
  
Sean’s gaze shoots up, eyes dark and heavy, and Johnny can feel his dick twitch against his stomach. He chuckles, running his hands up Sean’s thighs. “You like that, baby? Like when I talk dirty to you?” He presses, voice a little teasing, and Sean audibly bites back a whimper, pushing his face into Johnny’s neck. He can roll with this.

 

They’ve switched off before, so this isn’t the first time Johnny’s topped Sean, but this is the first time he’s getting ridden and,  _ fuck, _ is he emphatically okay with this. Johnny is significantly smaller than Sean, but sometimes it’s fun to forget their size difference. On the ice he’s targeted by bigger guys who insist on displaying their dominance over smaller guys, and off the ice he’s constantly subjected to short jokes and gets picked up by his friends. Sometimes, it’s nice to feel big. Besides, he isn’t going to break if Sean puts some weight on him, and it’s fun to change it up, to feel in control. And with how easy Sean is being for him, the low whines Johnny is drawing from the back of his throat, it’s like a second nature to sink into that authority.

 

Johnny covers his fingers in a generous amount of lube, considering it’s been awhile since Sean’s been the one getting fucked. He hikes one of Sean’s legs over his own hip to give himself better access, letting the pads of his fingers rub up against his entrance. He feels Sean flutter against him, squirming forwards with his face flattened against Johnny’s neck. He slowly but steadily sinks the first finger into him, Sean loosening and tightening around him as he does his best to breathe through it. It isn’t long before Johnny is working another finger in, gently fucking in and out of Sean, scissoring his hand as to lightly stretch him out. The noises Sean is making as he lets Johnny prep him are making Johnny‘s head spin.

 

Once Sean gets comfortable with two and then three fingers, Johnny pulls his hand away and rifles under Sean’s pillow for the strip of condoms he likes to keep on hand, just to be safe. Sean takes the square rubber packet with shaking hands, whining when Johnny tilts a thigh up to rock between Sean’s legs, whose hips jump forward. Johnny chuckles, a little mad with power.

 

With slow, dragging fingertips, Sean rolls the condom down Johnny’s dick, following the lip of the rubber with his tongue. Johnny groans, reaching out to grab a fistful of Sean’s hair. He slicks himself up, spreading the lube down his shaft slowly, until Sean is pushing his hands away and scrambling forwards to line their hips up.

 

“So hot, but so fucking slow. Dick me down already,” Sean’s voice goes high and breathy, not wasting any time getting situated on Johnny’s cock in his lap. He curls down over him to kiss him quickly, before moving. He sinks his teeth into his bottom lip, steadying himself with large hands splayed out across Johnny’s abdomen. Johnny keeps a tight grip on his hips.

 

They fall into a rhythm, just like with anything, Sean fucking himself on Johnny’s dick, and Johnny’s thrusts coming up to meet him, in a syncopation of skin on skin and the creaky bed frame scraping against the wall. The gaps in the beat are filled with heavy, uneven breathing and Sean’s incoherent low mumbling as his knees dig into Johnny’s sides. Sean is close, he’s able to tell based on the curl of his toes and the shallowness of his breaths, and Johnny takes a hand off of his hip to wrap around Sean’s cock, pumping and listening to Sean take it.

 

Sean comes first, loud and choked off, eyes rolling into the back of his head as his arms almost give out, letting Johnny take the rest of the control. Sean is riding out his orgasm when Johnny comes too, biting his tongue so he doesn’t accidentally yell, or something. As they both come down from their high, Johnny takes one of Sean’s hands in his and kisses his knuckles gently, brain still cumdumb and foggy.

 

Sean lifts himself off of Johnny’s dick with a hiss, collapsing onto his chest, and there they lay in silence, catching their breath in heavy, uneven pants. Johnny laughs up at the ceiling, a little breathlessly, running a hand down Sean’s spine.

 

“That was so good, marry me. You’d be the best trophy wife, I’m literally in love with you.” Johnny teases gently, still gasping for air, then dissolves into giggles soon after. The disconnect between his mouth and his brain is proving monumental. Sean chuckles, a deep rumble through his chest that buzzes over where he’s plastered against Johnny. He kisses his collarbone, then tucks his head up under his chin. When he speaks, his voice comes out muffled against Johnny’s tacky skin, warm air skirting across his bare chest.

 

“Wait, for real?” Sean asks, words barely there, shrouded in uncertainty. Johnny wants to grab him by the shoulders, shake him until the only thing he can see past the world spinning around him is that he is completely head over heels for Sean.

 

“Maybe not yet,” Johnny says instead, because it’s true. They haven’t known each other long enough for him to have fallen in love with Sean, but it’s a near thing. He’s teetering on the edge, all he has to do is give in to the the pull on his chest from the bottom of the pit, telling him to jump. “But I could get there.” All at once, Sean is scrambling up the bed to kiss him stupid, palms digging into Johnny’s cheekbones, and yeah, this was worth it. Their lips move together and for the first time, Johnny can  _ feel _ the sparks that Sean is experiencing too, crackling in his lips, his fingers. The air is pressing in around them, making it hard to see anyone, anything past the man on top of him.

 

“Me too, thank God, me too.” Sean chants against his mouth, and Johnny doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of kissing Sean. It’s the best feeling in the world. All he can think of, besides the obvious, is how the  _ hell _ didn’t he say this earlier? Yeah, it was a risk to bear, dangling something too fragile, but this is all worth that. To have the kisses of relief pressed into his skin, a wave of comfort washing over him, the guilt of letting himself get too attached breaking away piece by piece because he’s realizing that he got just the right amount of attached.

 

“So I guess we should try this dating thing, huh?” Johnny asks finally, stroking the hair out of Sean’s eyes, trying his best to keep his voice light so as to not let the buzzing in his nerves show. Sean presses his lips together, but a grin still shines through and it makes Johnny’s heart swell.

 

“I guess so.” Sean shrugs, landing his mouth back on Johnny’s own and kissing him slow and gentle. “It’s kind of dumb, how much I’m into you.” He mumbles against his lips, reaching down to tangle his fingers with Johnny’s.

 

“I don’t know if I’m ready to tell the teams, yet.” Johnny whispers, looking away from Sean, and he can feel the heat spreading to his cheeks, blooming down his neck. Sean squeezes his hand, bringing their fingers up to brush his lips over Johnny’s knuckles. “I hope that isn’t a dealbreaker.”

 

“There isn’t much that you could do that  _ would _ be a dealbreaker. I’m all in for this.” Sean tells him firmly, kissing his wrist, then his shoulder, then his collarbone. Johnny sighs contentedly, letting his eyes flutter closed. They’re quiet for a while, listening to the sounds of the building settling, and the occasional groups of students walking by, and the cars honking distantly. Everything finally feels in place, like they aren’t dancing around the question that they both had been wanting to ask for so long. They’re finally content, and Johnny lets himself drift for the time being, knowing that soon one of them will have to get up to clean themselves up. For now, they just exist together, wrapped up in the sound of the other’s breathing.

  
  
  


Turns out, dating isn’t too different to what they had already been doing. They text each other a little more, and there’s a lot more heart emojis and ordering for each other when they go out on dates- which are now officially called dates, instead of whatever friendly hangout they were trying to pass them off as. And it’s good, it’s really good.

 

Johnny tells his mom that he’s seeing someone, but still holds off on revealing anything to his team. He knows that as soon as he actually admits to it, they’ll want to meet Sean. For now, the team definitely knows he’s in a relationship, but they pretend like they don’t. He still isn’t sure how they’ll react to him dating a player from BU, so he keeps them in the dark. He isn’t sure his heart would be able to take them not approving of Sean.

 

Besides, it’s so easy dating Sean, it already feels like something they’ve been doing for so long to begin with. Except he doesn’t have to feel like he’s walking on eggshells. Johnny gets to love him freely and kiss him without worrying that Sean will get tired of him or will be able to see right through him. Johnny is just really, really happy.

 

Their land of milk and honey fades soon enough when they have to play each other for the first time since they met, circled between the walls of Agganis, among their closest friends who haven’t yet realized the importance of the other to either of them. Johnny almost starts his pregame late because he’s so caught up in his own head about it. He wakes up from his nap to one text from Sean and too many to count in the group chat.

 

_ seanahan: Good luck tonight, Johnny Hockey. _

 

Johnny rolls his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. Sean likes to tease him about the nickname, usually complete with an awful Jersey accent. Still, his heart twists at the sentiment.

 

_ johnny hockey: you too, monahan. try not to pop a stiffy out there, i know i look good in BC colors ;) _

 

There’s no response for a while, and then the text he does receive back is just a picture of Sean flipping him the middle finger, clearly laying on his back in bed, chin tucked into his chest. Still, the lighting is good enough to tell that Sean’s face is flushed and pink, and Johnny is satisfied with that. He clicks on the team group chat to the boys blowing it up about the Terriers getting their asses kicked tonight, and puts it on Do Not Disturb for the time being. He can fret about that later.

 

The rest of his pregame ritual all blurs together, he’s almost out of ham, but he has just enough for a sandwich, but he manages to get out the door at a reasonable time, Destry swinging by to pick him up right as he’s finished tying his tie and pulling a hat over his ears. He just barely remembers to grab his phone off of the charger before stumbling out into the hallway. Destry threatens to drive off without him next time he keeps him waiting, and Johnny knows he’s kidding, laughing at his roommate as he sticks his earbuds into his ears and tries to enter into this game with a clear head.

  
  
  


It’s like Johnny closes his eyes in Straighter’s truck and when he opens them, he’s bouncing on his skates in the hallway as the team is lining themselves up. He shakes his gloves out and shifts from foot to foot, sinking into the muted noise of the crowd above them and staring down at the dark red of his jersey. He traces his palm down the pale yellow lettering and starts going when Danny nudges him with the shaft of his stick, striding out onto the ice to fully be swallowed by the bright, fluorescent lights.

 

BU is already on the ice when he loops around the net, warming up with a couple sparse shots, and Sean is staring him down. Well, good to know they’ve both gone for the subtle approach to things. Johnny rolls his eyes and skates over to Kevin to bump him in the shoulder as they line up to take some shots, Milner settling into the net. Johnny shoots an ‘L’ shape with his hand over his forehead when none of his team is looking, and Sean shakes his head. Johnny turns his back to the Terriers for the rest of the warm up.

 

Sean is a little rough on the ice, he checks Johnny into the boards and wraps his stick against his shins when the refs aren’t looking, but it isn’t hard enough to do any damage, but it’s enough to leave Johnny red cheeked and uncomfortable in his cup. They don’t really speak that much on the ice, both pretty dialed in when they’re actually playing, but sometimes he catches the playful glint behind the determined look fixed on Sean’s face, the corners of his mouth twitching upward or his eyes twinkling pleasantly. Somehow, Johnny has even more fun playing hockey than he usually does, and that’s saying something; he  _ really  _ fucking loves hockey.

 

The game is chippy and physical but Johnny can’t find it in himself to be displeased with the bruise blooming over his ribcage as Sean tugs him into a dark corner of the arena after a mild 3-2 OT win for BC, already back in their street clothes. They’re safely tucked away between two water fountains that no one ever uses when Sean finally gets his lips on his, fingers curling into his back as Johnny puts his palms on the sides of Sean’s face, fingers brushing against his pulse points as he pulls him down further. One hand slides down to rest under his ribs, then drifts down to be planted against the cold cement wall. Too preoccupied with clumsily making out, neither of them catch the footsteps echoing down the hallway.

 

“Oh fuck, sorry! I’m just looking for- Johnny?” He knows the voice before he even turns around, barely brave enough to face the man as he scrambles away from Sean, heart pounding. Kevin looks startled, holding a hand up over his eyes as the other is held up as some sort of olive branch peace offer.

 

“Shit, uh, hey Hayesy. We were just, uh-“ Kevin waves his hand, as if to shut him up, so Johnny halts that train of thought. “Everyone’s decent, you can look. ‘preciate it, though.” Kevin slowly lowers his hand, eyes wide and cautious. He blinks at Sean, then at Johnny, then back to Sean. His eyes lower to Sean’s hoodie, and-

 

“You’re dating a fucking  _ BU Terrier?  _ You fucking  _ idiot!” _ Kevin shrieks, eyebrows shooting up to his hairline. His neck starts to turn red and a vein pops out of his forehead as he gestures wildly between the two of them, mouth moving rapidly but no sound coming out. Johnny has to cover his mouth with a hand so he doesn’t start laughing or, like, crying. “Johnny, Jesus Christ, when I said to expand your horizons that one time I didn’t mean-“ He cuts himself off, scrubbing a hand down his face. He doesn’t continue.

 

“Well, um, Hayesy, this is Sean, my boyfriend. Sean, meet Kevin Hayes, my best friend.” Johnny says instead, after Kevin has gotten a few good deep breaths in and his color has returned to normal, and Sean steps forward, squeezing Johnny’s wrist as he passes. His shoulders are drawn back a little, like he’s ready to fight or something. This really couldn’t have gone any worse, if shit goes south. Instead of, like, punching him or something, because Sean is perfect and wonderful and amazing, he holds his hand out to Kevin with a friendly- if not awkward- smile.

 

“Nice to finally meet you, man. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He says calmly, voice even, and it’s something out of a miracle. Johnny truly could fall in love with this man. Kevin gives his hand a skeptical look, before caving and grasping it with his lips pressed together.

 

“This is gonna be weird at first, but I’ll get used to it. Johnny, buddy, you happy?” He looks past Sean’s shoulder, eyebrows pinched in the most expressive way that Kevin knows how, and Johnny’s heart fizzes like soda pop. He glances briefly at Sean, dopey smile overtaking his face, and nodding. Kevin sets his jaw, looks Sean square in eye, and shakes his hand. “Good to meet you, man. Let’s get this over with by me just saying, if you so much as hurt a fraction of a hair on Johnny’s head, I will cut off your fingers and feed you to the gators.” Sean nods seriously, setting his jaw. 

 

“Of course, I’d expect nothing less.” He deadpans, and Johnny shrieks, socking Kevin in the shoulder, before tackling him in a hug. Sean is next, bracing for Johnny’s weight just in time. As he melts into the light fabric of Sean’s shirt, Johnny thinks that maybe, just maybe, this is all gonna work out.

  
  
  


Johnny never would’ve expected that he’d be bringing Sean to any team event, but here they are, Johnny tucked up under Sean’s arm on the couch at Mullsy’s place, throwing popcorn in the air and goading Petey into trying to catch the kernels in his mouth with his eyes closed, and it all fits together like two big puzzle pieces made of hockey gear and testosterone. Sean is chatting Danny up, something about their high school lacrosse tournaments, and Johnny can’t be bothered to listen. It’s just nice listening to the slow, flat sounds of Sean’s words, comforted by the line of warmth wrapping its hands around him where he’s leaning into the man next to him.

 

Teddy sits down on top of Johnny without much warning, pushing a grunt out of him as he shifts around to get Sean’s attention.

 

“You can read my essay for anatomy, yes?” He asks softly, patting Johnny’s forearms when he gets his arms around the freshman’s middle. Sean’s features turn gentle, like he’s talking to a kid, and nods. Teddy clarifies, “I turn it in Tuesday.”

 

“Yeah, for sure, just share it with me. Your last one was good, though, I doubt I’ll have much feedback to give.” He says kindly, and Teddy breaks out into a huge grin. He hops off of Johnny’s lap, muttering crushed together  _ thank you’ _ s as he shuffles back to the circle of guys playing some drinking game version of  _ Cards Against Humanity. _ Johnny squeezes Sean’s knee, grinning dopily up at him as finally no prying eyes linger, everyone too wrapped in their own activities to pay attention to them. Sean shoots him a baffled look, thick eyebrows lifted. “What?”

 

“Nothing, I’m just glad you’re here.” Johnny replies, letting his head drop back against Sean’s arm as his eyes flutter closed. Sean chuckles, a rumbling through Johnny’s entire body, and it makes him want to curl up like a cat in a patch of sunlight and never let go of Sean. “I didn’t think I’d get to have this. Thought we’d have to sneak around forever.” Sean cards a hand through Johnny’s hair, blunt nails scratching at his scalp. He hums, tilting up into the touch.

 

“I’m glad I’m here, too. I like your boys a lot, and I hope when the time comes, you’ll like mine.” Sean tugs at his hair until Johnny’s head tilts back, dropping a subtle brush of the lips to his forehead. He’s mentioned Johnny to his team, apparently, but there hasn’t been any time between games and practice and class to properly meet them yet, so Sean has seemed a little on edge about the waiting. Johnny knows that, when the time comes, it’ll be fine, but he remembers Sean’s first team interaction, dripping with nerves and tripping over his worries of someone not getting along, but it soon dissolved when Kevin greeted them in the foyer and dragged them along to meet some of the guys and their girlfriends. The rest is spotty, the way Sean had delicately melted into their lives. It’s all just been so easy.

 

“I will, it’s gonna be great. Hockey players are hockey players, yeah?” Johnny smooths his hand down Sean’s hoodie, twirling his fingers in the drawstrings. Before he can respond, Kevin is rolling out from behind the couch to snap a few pictures of them. Johnny hides his face in Sean’s shoulder as a few of the nearer guys  toss a couple lazy chirps their way. Sean just laughs, hand tightening in Johnny’s hair, and the moment passes. The moment passes, but the warm, bubbly feeling in Johnny’s chest persists, a happiness erupting from his love of his team and of his friends and of his stupid boyfriend, it’s perfect. Johnny couldn’t be any happier.

 

(Spoiler alert: When Sean asks him to move in with him on a hot Jersey day in July, Johnny gets a whole lot happier.)

**Author's Note:**

> i have a tumblr! come chat me up (even tho i’ve been pretty dormant on there recently) [starryandersen](starryandersen.tumblr.com)


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